Hey girls.
Listen, I haven't seen Ash in days.
I don't even know what day it is.
Maybe I should go look for her.
Maybe not.
If anyof you see her, tell her to come home...
please
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Friday, October 24, 2008
Crazy Lesbian Circus
Okay...this is what we mean by crazy. We were all down at a local lesbian bar (that shall remain nameless) just drinking and dancing. Having a good time. I just got home. Anyway...
Remember Dimes threesome with Carla and Kelly. Well Carla was bent out of shape for a while. There was several times Bruiser had to step in to stop a fight.
Tonight was a little different. Carla walked in the bar, solo. She headed straight for Dimes who was dancing with my Val. Bruiser caught the quick moving Carla right before Carla grabbed Dimes.
Carla convinces Bruiser that she's gonna be nice, so Bruiser steps aside. Words got a little loud and Bruiser was about to take everyone outside but then...Carla grabs Dimes and gives her the hottest kiss I'd ever seen on that dance floor.
Dimes caught my eye and shrugged her shoulders like she didn't care. But then Kelly walked in. I'm thinking this is going to turn out ugly. I walk over to back Bruiser up if she needs it.
Kelly asks Carla what the hell she is doing and Carla answers, "My gift."
Now I'm laughing so hard that I'm crying and I am no good if a fight breaks out. Meanwhile the entire bar has all eyes on us. Kelly glanced around the room and smiled.
She then steps between Dimes and Carla and wraps her arms around Dimes neck. She says, "Only if you're going to share." She gives Dimes an even hotter kiss than her girl had given her. Carla walked around and gets behind Dimes. She says sure and they were all getting hot and heavy on the dance floor.
If I was Dimes, I would have left them both standing there and ran like hell. But what does Dimes do? She leaves with both of them again. She is fucking insane.
Remember Dimes threesome with Carla and Kelly. Well Carla was bent out of shape for a while. There was several times Bruiser had to step in to stop a fight.
Tonight was a little different. Carla walked in the bar, solo. She headed straight for Dimes who was dancing with my Val. Bruiser caught the quick moving Carla right before Carla grabbed Dimes.
Carla convinces Bruiser that she's gonna be nice, so Bruiser steps aside. Words got a little loud and Bruiser was about to take everyone outside but then...Carla grabs Dimes and gives her the hottest kiss I'd ever seen on that dance floor.
Dimes caught my eye and shrugged her shoulders like she didn't care. But then Kelly walked in. I'm thinking this is going to turn out ugly. I walk over to back Bruiser up if she needs it.
Kelly asks Carla what the hell she is doing and Carla answers, "My gift."
Now I'm laughing so hard that I'm crying and I am no good if a fight breaks out. Meanwhile the entire bar has all eyes on us. Kelly glanced around the room and smiled.
She then steps between Dimes and Carla and wraps her arms around Dimes neck. She says, "Only if you're going to share." She gives Dimes an even hotter kiss than her girl had given her. Carla walked around and gets behind Dimes. She says sure and they were all getting hot and heavy on the dance floor.
If I was Dimes, I would have left them both standing there and ran like hell. But what does Dimes do? She leaves with both of them again. She is fucking insane.
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Just a little
Candy is right. It kind of does make everything else seem minor. We love you Starr.
And Candy, I really wish you would let us help you get off those damn drugs. We love you just as much as we love Starr and we'd like to keep you around a while. Maybe it's time you start to give a shit...because we do.
As far as getting more personal...here's something none of you know.
The girl I was with in high school, she told me she loved me the last night we were together. We were ummm...making love and her mother caught us.
Her mother started beating the crap out of her. I tried to stop her but got elbowed in the face...knocked out cold. When I woke up, I was half naked on the sidewalk in front of their house. The rest of my clothes were thrown beside me.
I beat on their door until the cops came. I told them what had happened and they ended up arresting me. I found out later that Kay's parents made her lie and say I beat her up.
They sent her away somewhere and I never saw her again. I tried like hell to find her, but came up empty. It sucked.
Okay...change of subject. Maggie and I have been talking on the phone a lot. We are going out tomorrow night. Wish me luck.
And Candy, I really wish you would let us help you get off those damn drugs. We love you just as much as we love Starr and we'd like to keep you around a while. Maybe it's time you start to give a shit...because we do.
As far as getting more personal...here's something none of you know.
The girl I was with in high school, she told me she loved me the last night we were together. We were ummm...making love and her mother caught us.
Her mother started beating the crap out of her. I tried to stop her but got elbowed in the face...knocked out cold. When I woke up, I was half naked on the sidewalk in front of their house. The rest of my clothes were thrown beside me.
I beat on their door until the cops came. I told them what had happened and they ended up arresting me. I found out later that Kay's parents made her lie and say I beat her up.
They sent her away somewhere and I never saw her again. I tried like hell to find her, but came up empty. It sucked.
Okay...change of subject. Maggie and I have been talking on the phone a lot. We are going out tomorrow night. Wish me luck.
Weeeee....
Fair warning. I'm a bit high flyin' right now.
Damn. Starr wrote some heavy stuff huh. Kinda makes me think that anything else that gets written in here is going to be so minor.
Whatever.
Went to the doc today. Got my fix so I'm feelin' reeeeeaal good right about now.
I can't find my girlfriend though.
If anyone see's Ash, tell her I'm home. I think.
Damn. Starr wrote some heavy stuff huh. Kinda makes me think that anything else that gets written in here is going to be so minor.
Whatever.
Went to the doc today. Got my fix so I'm feelin' reeeeeaal good right about now.
I can't find my girlfriend though.
If anyone see's Ash, tell her I'm home. I think.
Starr n' Sky
Starr threw us a slider, didn't she. I know some of you are thinking that it's been almost ten years and she should move on but if you'd read what we did you'd get it. The kind of love they shared...well it was unbelievable.
Walker's right. We all learned something about love. Don't take it for granted and life's too short. Luckily for Starr, her and Skylar knew how much they loved each other. Skylar wrote how Starr would show her and tell her how much she loved her everyday. And Starr said Skylar did the same.
If we could all learn to do that...
Well, since Starr can get personal in here, I will give it a try. I want and need to have a long talk with Amber first, so later!
Walker's right. We all learned something about love. Don't take it for granted and life's too short. Luckily for Starr, her and Skylar knew how much they loved each other. Skylar wrote how Starr would show her and tell her how much she loved her everyday. And Starr said Skylar did the same.
If we could all learn to do that...
Well, since Starr can get personal in here, I will give it a try. I want and need to have a long talk with Amber first, so later!
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
In Our World
I think we were all a little scared to write anything after Starr's post. None of us had any idea. We all spent the last day trying to doctor the old wound we made her tear open.
Starr is fine though. Or at least she's pretending to be. I think we were all more tore up about her story than she was telling it. It actually made me cry for the first time in years. Bruiser and Peace are still with her though, just in case she's not as okay as she wants us to think.
Starr knew we would all show up at her house after reading that. She knew we'd ask questions. She had all the letters and journals sitting on her coffee table waiting for us.
There were so many journals. We only read the last one. Starr said she knew every book by heart. She lived it so I'm sure she does.
From what we read, Skylar was an amazing woman. She struggled daily but Starr lit up her life. Starr made her life more than livable but in the end, Skylar felt like she was somewhat of a burden. Like she was holding Starr back from really living her life, even though she said that Starr never complained. She had stopped taking her meds, she said, because she wanted to have a normal life with Starr. According to what the doctors wrote, the withdrawal from the meds was most likely what caused her to commit suicide.
I have a new respect for Starr. She is stronger than I could ever hope to be. I still hate to see her alone but I have a new understanding of why.
I think we all learned a little bit about love and I think there might be a few changes in all of us. Maybe even me. I feel like it brought us all a bit closer too.
I love you Starr. We all love you. Thank you for being our rock but remember, you can lean on us too. Always remember that.
Starr is fine though. Or at least she's pretending to be. I think we were all more tore up about her story than she was telling it. It actually made me cry for the first time in years. Bruiser and Peace are still with her though, just in case she's not as okay as she wants us to think.
Starr knew we would all show up at her house after reading that. She knew we'd ask questions. She had all the letters and journals sitting on her coffee table waiting for us.
There were so many journals. We only read the last one. Starr said she knew every book by heart. She lived it so I'm sure she does.
From what we read, Skylar was an amazing woman. She struggled daily but Starr lit up her life. Starr made her life more than livable but in the end, Skylar felt like she was somewhat of a burden. Like she was holding Starr back from really living her life, even though she said that Starr never complained. She had stopped taking her meds, she said, because she wanted to have a normal life with Starr. According to what the doctors wrote, the withdrawal from the meds was most likely what caused her to commit suicide.
I have a new respect for Starr. She is stronger than I could ever hope to be. I still hate to see her alone but I have a new understanding of why.
I think we all learned a little bit about love and I think there might be a few changes in all of us. Maybe even me. I feel like it brought us all a bit closer too.
I love you Starr. We all love you. Thank you for being our rock but remember, you can lean on us too. Always remember that.
Sunday, October 19, 2008
You wanted it, You got it
So, last night I was hanging out with the Circus gals and they think its only fair that I share in this thing too. So here it goes.
The girls want to know why I'm alone. The answer I always give them is because I want to be (which is true). The girls aren't satisfied with that answer and believe there's a story behind it. So they voted on it and decided that they wanted my first "personal" post to tell the truth behind my alone-ness. To avoid questions later, I'm giving you all the long version.
I was in love once. I met Skylar when I was 18. We worked together as stagehands at the Performing Arts Center. We hit it off right away and fell in love just as fast. She was wild and crazy and I was just as laid back as I am now. We brought out the best in each other.
After about a year of being together, we moved in together. Slowly, all of our skeleton's started creeping out of the closet.
I knew she had grown up with alcoholic, abusive parents. But what I didn't know was that she had been seeing a shrink and taking meds to keep her head straight. Really, no big deal. She had been so afraid to tell me about it, but I was cool and supportive. God, I loved her with everything in me and there was no way I was going to let that come between us.
A few amazing years went by and I had just celebrated my 23rd birthday. Her 24th was just around the corner. She kept telling me how her head never felt so clear and healthy. I believed her. She had stopped crying at night and stopped being afraid of every little noise she would hear in the dark. Things were better than great.
She woke me up early one morning with an indescribable look in her eyes. At first I was kind of scared that maybe she wasn't feeling so well. She quickly eased my mind though. She had this big speech written out and she read it to me.
In it, she she said how much she loved me and how happy I made her. She had us both in tears by the time she finished it. At the end, she asked me to marry her. She said she wanted to spend everyday of the rest of her life with me. Of course I said yes, everyday of the rest of my life with her was all I ever wanted.
She gave me an hour to write down "vows" and we drove out to our "special spot." We read them to each other and she pulled out these silver rings. They were engraved. Mine said, "Still loving you, Love Skylar." Yes its the same ring I wear on the chain around my neck.
We spent the entire next week making love and going to all kinds of places we had never been before. We knew we'd both lose our jobs but we didn't care. We had each other and that was more than enough for both of us.
We got back the night before her birthday. I woke the next day and told her I had to go out for an hour to pick up her birthday present. We told each other that we loved each other and I walked out the door.
It was that day, January 21, 1999 at 12:11pm, that I found my Skylar dead in the bathroom of our apartment. If it wasn't for the blood, I would have thought she was sleeping. She was always so beautiful.
She left me notes. A dozen of them. All of them full of apologies and how much she loved me. She even left me journals she had started writing on the very first day she met me that told the entire story of our relationship. She wanted me to understand that it wasn't my fault. And I know it wasn't.
So, please believe me when I say that I'm alone because I want to be. I could never love anyone as much as I loved Skylar and it wouldn't be fair to be in a relationship with someone if I couldn't give them all of me. Understand me?
The girls want to know why I'm alone. The answer I always give them is because I want to be (which is true). The girls aren't satisfied with that answer and believe there's a story behind it. So they voted on it and decided that they wanted my first "personal" post to tell the truth behind my alone-ness. To avoid questions later, I'm giving you all the long version.
I was in love once. I met Skylar when I was 18. We worked together as stagehands at the Performing Arts Center. We hit it off right away and fell in love just as fast. She was wild and crazy and I was just as laid back as I am now. We brought out the best in each other.
After about a year of being together, we moved in together. Slowly, all of our skeleton's started creeping out of the closet.
I knew she had grown up with alcoholic, abusive parents. But what I didn't know was that she had been seeing a shrink and taking meds to keep her head straight. Really, no big deal. She had been so afraid to tell me about it, but I was cool and supportive. God, I loved her with everything in me and there was no way I was going to let that come between us.
A few amazing years went by and I had just celebrated my 23rd birthday. Her 24th was just around the corner. She kept telling me how her head never felt so clear and healthy. I believed her. She had stopped crying at night and stopped being afraid of every little noise she would hear in the dark. Things were better than great.
She woke me up early one morning with an indescribable look in her eyes. At first I was kind of scared that maybe she wasn't feeling so well. She quickly eased my mind though. She had this big speech written out and she read it to me.
In it, she she said how much she loved me and how happy I made her. She had us both in tears by the time she finished it. At the end, she asked me to marry her. She said she wanted to spend everyday of the rest of her life with me. Of course I said yes, everyday of the rest of my life with her was all I ever wanted.
She gave me an hour to write down "vows" and we drove out to our "special spot." We read them to each other and she pulled out these silver rings. They were engraved. Mine said, "Still loving you, Love Skylar." Yes its the same ring I wear on the chain around my neck.
We spent the entire next week making love and going to all kinds of places we had never been before. We knew we'd both lose our jobs but we didn't care. We had each other and that was more than enough for both of us.
We got back the night before her birthday. I woke the next day and told her I had to go out for an hour to pick up her birthday present. We told each other that we loved each other and I walked out the door.
It was that day, January 21, 1999 at 12:11pm, that I found my Skylar dead in the bathroom of our apartment. If it wasn't for the blood, I would have thought she was sleeping. She was always so beautiful.
She left me notes. A dozen of them. All of them full of apologies and how much she loved me. She even left me journals she had started writing on the very first day she met me that told the entire story of our relationship. She wanted me to understand that it wasn't my fault. And I know it wasn't.
So, please believe me when I say that I'm alone because I want to be. I could never love anyone as much as I loved Skylar and it wouldn't be fair to be in a relationship with someone if I couldn't give them all of me. Understand me?
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