You wanted it, You got it

So, last night I was hanging out with the Circus gals and they think its only fair that I share in this thing too. So here it goes.
The girls want to know why I'm alone. The answer I always give them is because I want to be (which is true). The girls aren't satisfied with that answer and believe there's a story behind it. So they voted on it and decided that they wanted my first "personal" post to tell the truth behind my alone-ness. To avoid questions later, I'm giving you all the long version.
I was in love once. I met Skylar when I was 18. We worked together as stagehands at the Performing Arts Center. We hit it off right away and fell in love just as fast. She was wild and crazy and I was just as laid back as I am now. We brought out the best in each other.
After about a year of being together, we moved in together. Slowly, all of our skeleton's started creeping out of the closet.
I knew she had grown up with alcoholic, abusive parents. But what I didn't know was that she had been seeing a shrink and taking meds to keep her head straight. Really, no big deal. She had been so afraid to tell me about it, but I was cool and supportive. God, I loved her with everything in me and there was no way I was going to let that come between us.
A few amazing years went by and I had just celebrated my 23rd birthday. Her 24th was just around the corner. She kept telling me how her head never felt so clear and healthy. I believed her. She had stopped crying at night and stopped being afraid of every little noise she would hear in the dark. Things were better than great.
She woke me up early one morning with an indescribable look in her eyes. At first I was kind of scared that maybe she wasn't feeling so well. She quickly eased my mind though. She had this big speech written out and she read it to me.
In it, she she said how much she loved me and how happy I made her. She had us both in tears by the time she finished it. At the end, she asked me to marry her. She said she wanted to spend everyday of the rest of her life with me. Of course I said yes, everyday of the rest of my life with her was all I ever wanted.
She gave me an hour to write down "vows" and we drove out to our "special spot." We read them to each other and she pulled out these silver rings. They were engraved. Mine said, "Still loving you, Love Skylar." Yes its the same ring I wear on the chain around my neck.
We spent the entire next week making love and going to all kinds of places we had never been before. We knew we'd both lose our jobs but we didn't care. We had each other and that was more than enough for both of us.
We got back the night before her birthday. I woke the next day and told her I had to go out for an hour to pick up her birthday present. We told each other that we loved each other and I walked out the door.
It was that day, January 21, 1999 at 12:11pm, that I found my Skylar dead in the bathroom of our apartment. If it wasn't for the blood, I would have thought she was sleeping. She was always so beautiful.
She left me notes. A dozen of them. All of them full of apologies and how much she loved me. She even left me journals she had started writing on the very first day she met me that told the entire story of our relationship. She wanted me to understand that it wasn't my fault. And I know it wasn't.
So, please believe me when I say that I'm alone because I want to be. I could never love anyone as much as I loved Skylar and it wouldn't be fair to be in a relationship with someone if I couldn't give them all of me. Understand me?