Peaceful

I really can't believe its been so long since I lasted posted. I think we all got caught up in our lives and it seemed so much easier to just call Starr, our Guru of sorts, when things got crazy. And things did get crazy.

Dimes surprised us all. And Candy is so squeaky clean. And Walker didn't walk. And Bruiser stood her ground. And Starr, well, she held us all together through everything. And now...Speed is back, at least online and the only one missing is Jinx. And of course, J, Speeds girl. Now that we have Speed, aka surfxracer, writing her own blog, I'm sure we will all start writing in here again. It helps us feel connected.

I think I left off with the first night that me and Kay slept together after finding each other again. I remember I was uncomfortable and just couldn't relax. It was kind of weird after that. Though I talked with Kay on the phone a lot, I didn't see her again until about two weeks later. I needed to think so I spent a ton of time at the ocean. The best place to think.

I had this internal struggle going on...half of me wanted to be with her and the other half was scared to death. And the scared part was telling me to run as fast as I could. I was torn, so torn.

But then, it hit me like a shovel in the cartoons and this huge knot formed on top of my head that ended up being the best logic I had come up with through it all. We never really had our chance. It was ripped away from us right in the middle of its blossoming beauty. There was no way to get around it...I loved her. And when I saw her again, I realized that I was still in love with her.

As much as the pain and confusion of the past clouded me, she went through it too. She felt it all too. If I didn't let us have this chance to finally see what we could have become, I would have cheated her too.

We talked about it all. We cried and shared the pain of that night together for the first time. And pain it was. Even talking about made my face sting like her mom had hit me again. But that was nothing compared to what both her parents did to her.

Now, we are together and honestly, I have never been so happy in all my life. And things, things that we shared before, they all came back. We've dealt with the bad and revived the good.

I always knew she was the love of my life.