The Struggle

So Ash is in and out. Doctor's still can't tell us if she will be close to anything she used to be. Honestly...it scares the shit out of me.
I love her with everything in me and I plan on being with her forever. But what if she's not okay enough to resume her life? What if she has to stay in a hospital for one reason or another?
Sometimes...sometimes I feel like this is really my fault. We weren't fighting. We never fight. But we do go through these ignoring each other phases. And when she did what she did...we were in one of those phases. I was ignoring her because she wouldn't go to this party with me. So fucking childish. I should have known she was on a binge when she didn't come home for three nights.
I've been talking with her parents more. It's funny...we like each other when I'm clean. I told them that if she needs any kind of special care, and we can do it from home, that I would hire who ever we needed to hire and take care of her. They said they would do the same thing.
I don't expect her to be exactly who she used to be. I just want her to be okay. I just want her to come home...because I love her.