Wild Woman

Laney has been driving me crazy. I must say, this has been the most amazing two weeks of my life. I have never before wanted to spend time with any woman I was with (sexually) until her.
I really think I'm in love, which is strange for me because I've never given myself the chance to fall in love. But she intrigues me. Inspires me. Drives me completely insane. And I love it.
Put it this way...she is the only woman I have been with for the past two weeks. Remember...I'm fucking Dimes. I've never slept in the same bed twice and there are very few women that I've slept with more than three times.
But she has me hooked.
This is crazy...

The Struggle

So Ash is in and out. Doctor's still can't tell us if she will be close to anything she used to be. Honestly...it scares the shit out of me.
I love her with everything in me and I plan on being with her forever. But what if she's not okay enough to resume her life? What if she has to stay in a hospital for one reason or another?
Sometimes...sometimes I feel like this is really my fault. We weren't fighting. We never fight. But we do go through these ignoring each other phases. And when she did what she did...we were in one of those phases. I was ignoring her because she wouldn't go to this party with me. So fucking childish. I should have known she was on a binge when she didn't come home for three nights.
I've been talking with her parents more. It's funny...we like each other when I'm clean. I told them that if she needs any kind of special care, and we can do it from home, that I would hire who ever we needed to hire and take care of her. They said they would do the same thing.
I don't expect her to be exactly who she used to be. I just want her to be okay. I just want her to come home...because I love her.

missing her

I have been missing Amber like crazy. Everything I do, everything I see...reminds me of her. And its driving me crazy.
Honestly, I'm a little scared too. She hasn't called me since...I can't even remember. I haven't seen her drive by my work. I'm so tempted to call her but I don't want to lose my footing and fall back into her routine.
I was thinking about some of our good times. We did have a lot of them even though most of them ended with a bad time. But when we first got together, things were great. I just wish I could remember when things started getting bad. Because she wasn't always a drinker.
Whatever. I just want to know if she is okay. So I can sleep at night damn it.

times

So I get home yesterday from visiting Ash and Candy at the hospital. I walk into my dining room and there is a huge Thanksgiving meal on my table. I'm talking turkey, potatoes, green bean casserole, sweet potatoes, hot rolls, etc. It was all there. And hot too. The table is set for seven. For some reason I couldn't think of seven people I knew.
I search my house. I find no one. Not a soul.
So I'm thinking that its some kind of practical joke. That maybe the meal is fake or something. I go over to the turkey and get a spoonful of stuffing. I smell it. I poke it with my finger. Seems real, so I eat it. Yep...real.
I'm clueless as to who made the meal or why the table was set for seven. So I sat down and poured me a glass of wine, thinking...all this good food and its getting cold.
For some reason, I just couldn't touch the food. It looked great, smelled even better, but all I could do was stare.
After about five minutes of me staring, all the girls walk in the front door...with Candy.
Seems Bruiser and Walker had a bust day cooking and Candy had to keep me at the hospital until they were done. Good times.
All the girls were there along with Maggie (Peace's girl) and Val (Walker's girl). It was great and totally unexpected. And the food was amazing.
Thanks to all of you...my family.

more than thankful

I think we are all thankful for Ash's waking up...that's for sure.

Let me be the first to tell you...Starr...how thankful we all are for you.
You've been a rock for us all. Speaking for me, I know there have been more than a few times where I thought things were beyond hope. Somehow, you would help me see the light. No matter what is broke...heart, nose, car, or a damn guitar string...you'd be the first to help us fix it.
We take you for granted sometimes but you love us all anyway. On the shittiest day, you can still make me laugh. On the happiest days, you find a way to make it that much better. If we are lost, you find us.
We love you and everything you do for us.
Thank you!

Being Thankful

Thanksgiving...for some of us, its time that we get to spend with family. For others its just a day to eat way too much. And for the rest its both.
I usually take the day to think about what I've done and where I came from. Most of all, I think about my friends. When family was no longer an option for me, it was my friends who led the way, followed, stood by me, carried me, or just simply held on as I took them for a ride. I love them all and I make sure they know just how much.
The Crazy Lesbian Circus girls are the best.
Walker...I'm thankful for your honesty, even if I don't want it at times.
Bruiser...I'm thankful for your huge heart. You open my eyes to care when I seem so blind.
Dimes...I'm thankful for your faithful friendship. If I falter, you will be the first to pull me back on track.
Peace...I'm thankful for your sincerity. I know you mean everything you say.
And Candy, my dear Candy...I'm thankful for YOU. You've broken my heart from time to time but you always carry the duct tape with you to fix it. I'm proud of you.
I'm thankful for everyone in my life...it wouldn't be life without you all.
Loving you still...

not walking

Yeah...great news about Ash, huh. I hope she makes a full recovery.


Other news...Val...she still wants me to move in with her but understands that for me, its too soon. See ladies...I didn't run. She says she can wait but she doesn't want to wait forever. I can deal with that.

Bring in the clowns...