Way I see it

I know love makes you blind. I know that the love I have for Amber blinded me beyond knowing right and wrong. I let her abuse go on for so long that I let her excuses cloud my judgement. Judgement on everything and my opinion on even more.
I went to see her today. Seeing her clean and sober reminded me of why I fell in love with her in the first place. She seemed so calm and collected. Like she used to be before she started drinking heavy. She believes the root of her drinking problem was her job. She works in the corporate jungle and from what I've heard, it can be pretty brutal. But still...was that the root of her violence? Maybe I don't understand the corp stuff because I'm just a mechanic but I really do not believe that her job caused the abuse.
She tried to convince me that it was the alcohol that caused all that. I want to believe her but...I'm afraid. Not afraid of the cuts and bruises, but of her breaking my heart again. Honestly, sometimes the words hurt worse than her fists ever did.
For the first time in my life, I'm admitting that I cried. I cried the moment I walked out of the center. I cried because I love her so much and want, more than anything, to be with her. To grow old with her. I cried because I really don't think I have it in me to give her another chance.
She told me that they were making her take anger management classes in there. I guess we will see how she is when she gets out.
I told her that I couldn't be her girlfriend but we could see about being friends. I couldn't believe I said that and it broke my heart to watch her cry from my words. But I really don't know what else to do.