Questions?

Sometimes it seems when you are looking for an answer, all you get is more questions.
Starr asked me if I loved Maggie. Honestly, I don't think so. Being with her is new and exciting. Making love with her is amazing, but...I really do not think that I'm in love with her. She is a great woman, don't get me wrong. She has helped me crawl out of the shell I used to call life. She helped me build my confidence and I am forever grateful to her.
But...
When I saw Kay in the music store, my heart skipped a beat. Everything that I had ever felt for her washed over me and flooded my senses. I remembered what it felt like to love her. I remembered all the emotions I felt when we made love. Pure and innocent and fulfilling.
I went to dinner with her and yes, I did tell Maggie what I was doing. She deserves honesty and I didn't want to feel like I was sneaking around or something. I told Kay what happened to me after the cops took me away. She cried and apologized. Then she told me what happened to her. Her parents, after trying to beat the dyke out of her, sent her off to a private school in New York. By the time she got up enough money to call me, we had already changed our number. (We had to change our number because of Kay's mother. She would call at all hours of the night, threatening me and my family. Long story...) She wrote me letters but later found out that none of them were ever sent. They gave her the box when she graduated.
She said she had been here looking for me for six months. Chance, fate, whatever you want to call it, brought her into the music store that day.
Starr asked me if I still loved Kay. I do, but I don't know if its the same. And as I left Kay that night after drinks, she told me that she never stopped loving me. The words made my heart ache. But I told her the truth, I had never stopped loving her either. As for going to back to what we had, I explained that I didn't know if we could. We made promises of keeping in touch and left it at that.
I woke up this morning, alone, with a million riddles floating around in my head. More questions about the questions. Today, confusion will be my only friend. I'll be at the beach...with no phone...if anyone wants to join me...