Laney has been driving me crazy. I must say, this has been the most amazing two weeks of my life. I have never before wanted to spend time with any woman I was with (sexually) until her.
I really think I'm in love, which is strange for me because I've never given myself the chance to fall in love. But she intrigues me. Inspires me. Drives me completely insane. And I love it.
Put it this way...she is the only woman I have been with for the past two weeks. Remember...I'm fucking Dimes. I've never slept in the same bed twice and there are very few women that I've slept with more than three times.
But she has me hooked.
This is crazy...
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Monday, December 1, 2008
The Struggle
So Ash is in and out. Doctor's still can't tell us if she will be close to anything she used to be. Honestly...it scares the shit out of me.
I love her with everything in me and I plan on being with her forever. But what if she's not okay enough to resume her life? What if she has to stay in a hospital for one reason or another?
Sometimes...sometimes I feel like this is really my fault. We weren't fighting. We never fight. But we do go through these ignoring each other phases. And when she did what she did...we were in one of those phases. I was ignoring her because she wouldn't go to this party with me. So fucking childish. I should have known she was on a binge when she didn't come home for three nights.
I've been talking with her parents more. It's funny...we like each other when I'm clean. I told them that if she needs any kind of special care, and we can do it from home, that I would hire who ever we needed to hire and take care of her. They said they would do the same thing.
I don't expect her to be exactly who she used to be. I just want her to be okay. I just want her to come home...because I love her.
I love her with everything in me and I plan on being with her forever. But what if she's not okay enough to resume her life? What if she has to stay in a hospital for one reason or another?
Sometimes...sometimes I feel like this is really my fault. We weren't fighting. We never fight. But we do go through these ignoring each other phases. And when she did what she did...we were in one of those phases. I was ignoring her because she wouldn't go to this party with me. So fucking childish. I should have known she was on a binge when she didn't come home for three nights.
I've been talking with her parents more. It's funny...we like each other when I'm clean. I told them that if she needs any kind of special care, and we can do it from home, that I would hire who ever we needed to hire and take care of her. They said they would do the same thing.
I don't expect her to be exactly who she used to be. I just want her to be okay. I just want her to come home...because I love her.
Sunday, November 30, 2008
missing her
I have been missing Amber like crazy. Everything I do, everything I see...reminds me of her. And its driving me crazy.
Honestly, I'm a little scared too. She hasn't called me since...I can't even remember. I haven't seen her drive by my work. I'm so tempted to call her but I don't want to lose my footing and fall back into her routine.
I was thinking about some of our good times. We did have a lot of them even though most of them ended with a bad time. But when we first got together, things were great. I just wish I could remember when things started getting bad. Because she wasn't always a drinker.
Whatever. I just want to know if she is okay. So I can sleep at night damn it.
Honestly, I'm a little scared too. She hasn't called me since...I can't even remember. I haven't seen her drive by my work. I'm so tempted to call her but I don't want to lose my footing and fall back into her routine.
I was thinking about some of our good times. We did have a lot of them even though most of them ended with a bad time. But when we first got together, things were great. I just wish I could remember when things started getting bad. Because she wasn't always a drinker.
Whatever. I just want to know if she is okay. So I can sleep at night damn it.
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