Music to my ears

I met this musician last night. Drummer for a local popular band. She's hot. Long jet black hair. Sexy second skin leather pants that complimented her drop dead gorgeous body. She had an even sexier latex top on that was held together by chains. So fucking hot.
So, I had been watching her all night. When her set ended, she disappeared backstage. I bought a round for the girls I was hanging with and we found a table. I'm sitting there completely relaxed with my feet up on the chair next to me, leaning back and balanced. Next thing I know, the chick is sitting on my lap, kissing me like I was her possession. We lose balance on the chair and fall back. Totally knocks the wind out of me, but the girl doesn't stop. All be damned if I was going to try to stop her either.
Needless to say, it was an amazing night. And would love to give details, but Starr says I can't be x-rated in here. So you will have to use your imagination yet again.
Her name is Laney. And I think I'm in love. For the first time.
Oh yeah!

Proud

I am more than proud of Candy. She is really putting in an effort to get clean. I don't think any of us realized how much she loves Ash.
Ash's parents are taking about taking her off the machines. For Candy's sake, I pray they don't. And if they do, I hope Ash hangs on. If you look at her, you can almost feel her life trying to awaken again. And when Candy was crying to her, there was a tear. One single tear that appeared, leaving a shiny trail down the side of her face. That doesn't happen if you are already gone, does it?
I know she's in there. I just know she is.


On another note...there might soon be a new member to the leasbian circus. She's a real wild one and a long time friend of us all. She said she wants to contribute and we are in the process of giving her a name. Until then....live out loud!

Peace, love, and whatever

I think I know what everyone was giving me so much shit about now. Or at least I understand. I had this fear...fear of being torn away from anyone that I cared about. What I have to realize is that I'm a grown up now. And so are the girls that I'm interested in. So no one can take them away. No parents. No law. Nothing.
I mean, I know they can take themselves away if they want but...
Maggie is deliciously fun. I really like her and she has shown me a new way to look at life. You only live this life once so LIVE IT! No use hiding in my shell. Life happens all around you. You just have to choose to play or sit and watch.
I think I'm more than ready to play.
How about you?

Where do I start?

I don't know what to do. I don't know what I'm doing. Ash isn't showing any signs of improvement and her parents are talking about letting her go.
I don't want to lose her. I don't. There was more to us than using drugs together. I love her. God! Please don't let me lose her.
I've made a promise to God. If he lets Ash live, I will never do drugs again. And with the help of my friends from the crazy lesbian circus...I've been clean for days now. I'm trying not to keep count. It makes me want them more.
At first, when I found Ash in the hospital and finally got to see her, all I wanted to do was join her. I went on a binge that would have killed an elephant. Somehow, I'm still here. Its like the motorcycle accident. God still doesn't want me yet.
Ash is so beautiful. Even with all the machines that are connected to her body. Her parents are being cool with me now. I'm not sure what you guys said to them, but thank you.
I spent all day with yesterday with Ash. I talked with her. I told her how much I love her and how much I want her to come home. I thought I felt her move her hand but I wasn't sure. I told the doctors but they said there was no way to tell if she did or not. I read her a book. Almost the entire book. I told her if she wanted to hear the ending, she had to wake up and come home with me. If you knew Ash, you'd know that doing that would piss her off. She'd want to know what happened. So I figured she might just wake up to slap me in the head and tell me to finish the damn thing. I hope and pray and beg for her to do that. I need her so much.
Starr has found a place that doesn't use drugs to get you off the drugs. I want to go but I don't want to leave Ash. So Starr found a natural doctor of sorts. They poke needles in you and other strange stuff. I know it sounds crazy but it has helped ease the pain. They gave me this lotion stuff that I put on my back, neck, knee's, elbow and other various painful parts of my body that seems to work decent. Starr says it will work if I believe it will work. I think she has a strange way of thinking but she has never steered me wrong before. I trust her with my life (even if I don't value it much).
Withdrawal is a bitch. It hurts worse than the actual pain at times. I haven't been hungry but if I do eat, it comes right back up. The chills suck and I've practically bit a hole through my lip. I'm nervous and paranoid and constantly tired but I can't sleep.
Its all worth it though. I figured that if God saw my effort to get clean that maybe she would put in a little effort to get my Ash back to me. It could be wishful thinking but its all I got right now. Ash is all I've got. Well, and my friends. My family sucks.
Oh well, I'm going to try to sleep now.
I've been staying with Starr. And the girls have been stopping by to check on me. Tonight, Walker is staying over. I asked her to sleep with me. No...not like that. Sometimes I get a little sleep if someone is holding me. I'm not sure why. Walker and Starr are the only ones that have been able to keep me calm enough to get a little sleep. I figured Starr might need a break, so I asked Walker. They are so great to me.
I love you all. Starr, Walker, Bruiser, Dimes, and Peace. I love you all to death. Thank you all for everything you've done and do for me. I owe you all.

Update

We found Candy. We found her at the hospital sitting next to Ash, holding her hand and crying. So she is okay and still clean.
She told me that she wants to try to stay clean. I believe her. I mean, she could have went straight to who ever and got whatever drug she wanted...but she didn't. I think she is ready for a change.
I really hope so. Because I really don't want to lose her.