Missing

Candy took off some time last night. We have been looking for her all damn day. She is so unstable right now. I'm so afraid for her.
And I'm pissed. Her piece of shit parents will not return any of our calls. Its like they don't give a shit if their daughter lives or dies. I even went to their house. They had Candy's sister tell me they weren't home. I could fucking see her loser dad sitting in the living room. I even told her to tell them that I would pay for her treatment and they still won't admit her. It makes me sick.
So now I'm on a quest to find her grandparents. Maybe that will work.
So...I'm livid and worried sick.
Candy, if you read this...please know how much we all love you and let us help you.
PLEASE!

typical

So Val dropped a bomb on me this morning. Our relationship of convenience is not enough for her anymore. She wants me to move in with her. Its only been four months!
I'm not even sure if I love her. I mean, I enjoy her company and we always have fun when we are together but that doesn't constitute love. Or moving in with each other for that matter.
I am not one of those UHaul lesbians. I like to take my time with a relationship. Not go home with a woman and leave with her house key. Are there any other lesbians out there like me?
I know that the girls are going to tell me that I'm just walking away again. I can hear them all now. But...I'm not walking away. I'm going to talk with Val and tell her that I don't feel ready to move in with her. This time, it will be her choice to walk away or wait.
Because there is a chance that I will be ready to make that step with her. Just not right now.
I'm not running...

Here we go again

Okay. I read over my last post. I could have worded it better but I'm sure you got the point. Besides, I was still pissed as hell.
I've made a new rule for myself. No more threesomes with women in LTR's. It is too much drama. That whole thing with Carla and Kelly was insane. The last time I was with them, they fought about who I was going to make come first. I settled that by getting them both off together, but how ridiculous.
Get this...they got pissed at me when they walked into the bar and I was making out with the new chick. What gives them the right? I gave them both hell and haven't seen them since. They both still call me at least three times a day though.
I saw the nurse from the hospital last night. I actually like her a lot. No games. Straight up, get right to the point sort of girl. And the sex is sizzling. I think I might see her on a weekly basis for a while.

All's well...

Amber finally stopped calling me. She hasn't shown up at my work either. Starr helped me get all my things from her place and get them back to mine. Yeah, I kept my own apartment all this time. I think I had always planned to leave her for good.
Sadly, I miss her. She only got violent when she was drunk. All the rest of the time, she was a very loving, caring woman. I guess it finally got to the point where all the loving and caring couldn't make the cuts and bruises vanish.
I hate shutting her out. I begged for her to get help. But like Starr said, you can't help someone who doesn't want to help their self. God, I miss her.
I used to believe that love could conquer all, but now I think its just a delusion. Love couldn't kill her addiction. Love couldn't make her get help.
Maybe she didn't truly love me anymore. Maybe she never loved me at all. I'd like to think that I was wrong since I loved her with all I had. Who knows...

Mind your own business

I'm not real big on public displays of affection unless I'm somewhere like a LESBIAN bar or another place where its mostly lesbians. I do not intentionally go around making out with women on a sidewalk or in a family type dining place or such.
And if I see two straight people kissing or holding hands or whatever, I don't make a big deal out of it. I mind my business even if I think its gross.
So today, I was down on Ocean and a waitress I had some fun with a few weeks ago spotted me. We talked for a few minutes but she was running late to work so she had to go. She gave me a simple short kiss on the lips before she departed. We didn't make out or try to make a big scene. It was just a small innocent kiss.
There were a couple of guys and older women passing us. A few of them made some disgusting comments that I'd rather not repeat. I stopped the group and asked them if it was really necessary to comment on such a friendly exchange.
One of the older ladies said yes. She said that if I wanted to be a dyke that it was my CHOICE and that I should not flaunt it.
This is what I said. "Fuck you lady. Do you think I really CHOSE to live a life that is hated and discriminated against. Do you really think I CHOSE to get remarks like that from people like you."
She shut up but her friends didn't. By this time we had a crowd. One guy said that people like me should be institutionalized. That I was sick and had a demented view of reality.
A lady from the crowd stepped up next to me. She jumped in the mans face and told him that he's the one that needs to be put in an institution. That it was people like him that made the world such a shitty place.
I asked what made him think that way. The neighborhood bully that used to sexually abuse him or the bible. I told him that GOD made me this way, so in his eyes, did he think that God had a sick sense of humor or what.
The argument went on for about thirty minutes. These people would not give up.
Me and the stranger that stepped up to help defend me finally got them to shut up. One of the men flicked me off as they walked away defeated. That was all he could do. Everything they said, we shot down. The crowd applauded as I shook the hand of my helper. She ended up being an equal rights activist and invited me to a meeting. I think I might just go.
Anyway...my point is...if you don't like it don't look. And MIND YOUR OWN FUCKING BUSINESS!

Blah

Crazy days. Candy is driving me up the wall. We can't get a hold of her parents and she won't check herself into rehab, so we got her at my house. She's up, she's down. She's complaining about her entire body being in pain. She's puking, then she seems fine...for two minutes. I haven't slept in three days because I'm afraid she's going to sneak out a window or something.
Thank God Bruiser and Walker are coming over tonight.
Oh shit! Gotta go...

Happy

Maggie is amazing. I will never be able to thank you for this one Walker.
We went out on a date last night. We started by walking down the strip. We ate dinner at a very nice place that had outside seating overlooking the ocean. The weather has been so perfect here.
We ended up at her place for a few drinks. And...okay so I don't kiss and tell but the CLC girls cannot pick on me anymore!
Doin' the happy dance!